bookish dreamer

As far back as I can remember, I've believed somewhere in the back of my head, at a gut level of knowing-ness, that the stories in books go on without me. If I put a book down in the middle, it means the story might go somewhere else that I can't see and won't know. I know this isn't a logical attitude, but it's what my brain thinks.

This has led me to sneaking books under the covers, into classrooms in middle-school, and under my desk at high school. Lead to me sitting up all night when I had to be at work at 8 am the next morning just to *find out.* Hilariously I used to get reprimanded for reading too much. Even as an adult. Of course I was often reading the wrong thing since it was mostly sci fi or fantasy books with lurid covers and crazy stories. But even with other types of literature I've always had trouble putting the damn book down.

Which is why I have trouble with WIPs, I think. I mean, I think in some fashion everyone wishes the story were complete, but I think there are a lot of people who really enjoy the getting there and don't mind if there isn't an end in sight.

Me, it's not the end I mind. I LOVE the getting there. It's that a WIP is like a book I'm being *made* to put down. And not being allowed to pick it back up (because there's nothing *to* pick up).

There are only a couple of writers I'll read WIPs from, and it's only because either I love them so much that I don't care, or that the world is so big it's ok, I wouldn't be able to take it all in anyway. For example:

seperis has been writing the epic, world-eating SPN AU fic Down to Agincourt (Dean/Castiel, eventually NC17, currently at 1,077,012 words and STILL unfinished) and I love that. An enormous take on one of the AUs that the show itself spawned, she asks what would have happened if Dean had gotten stuck at the end of the world? It's so fucking dense, textured, ridiculously complex, and yet I *want to know* what happens. But it's also so sprawling that it's ok that Dean and Cas are sitting around at the end of the world waiting to figure out how in the hell they're going to get screwed over AND screw Lucifer's endgame all at the same time. I mean she brought in Goddesses on this stuff. There's whole subplots that make me want to do research as a reader. I have hope that eventually it'll play out, and I'm fine with them living in the back of my head. Though I still tend to try and read not chapter-by-chapter when she publishes, but entire story-by-story so at least an arc is complete.

the ONLY fic that I've ever been pretty into as a WIP isn't so much a WIP as there are short, self-contained fics that are added to a collection periodically that expand the universe just a little bit more.

feather (or lalaietha) wrote this pretty long MCU Steve/Bucky recovery fic your blue eyed boys (Steve/Bucky, M, 123,233 words), which is amazing and lovely. It's all about Steve really trying to figure out what *will* help a Bucky who shows up on his doorstep but is relearning how to ask for things, want things, remember things, consider himself human. But then.

Then she started writing shorts in the 'verse.

(even if i could) make a deal with god (Steve/Bucky, Natasha/Clint, Bruce/Betsy, Pepper/Tony,) that has at last count 121 short fics in it. And short sometimes is 1,000 words, but sometimes is like 20,000. Word count on these "shorts" totals 478,092. Also though it's got some of the most amazing OCs ever, like, ever. When she puts a new segment out in this 'verse it's nonlinear, she jumps around, even though the timeline is incredibly well thought out and everything does fit together if you went and decided to read it right now. It also works though because Bucky's recovery is non-linear, and the form fits the emotional tone of his and Steve's life. Some of the fics make me cry. Some make me sigh. Some make me cheer. There's a young girl Mercedes who you will want to make friends with. Actually the best part of this series is that it's populated with incredible women - a vet named Chloe, her girlfriend Paula, even Betsy Ross is clearly Feather's Betsy Ross. Oh and there's a whole other sub-collection for the Natasha-focused stories [to see you there] (mostly Natasha but also Natasha/Clint, and it's another 133,179 words!)

But these two are pretty much it.

Until last night. When I made the mistake of following links from BetteNoire's Lucky Seven (Steve/Bucky power-AU, very NC17, 94,264 words) where Bucky is ex-russian mafia and fixes/races bikes and Steve is a very tired superhero to this:

(silentwalrus, Steve/Bucky, PG13 for violence at this point, 109,211 words)

Steve gets out of the hospital in two days, but just barely. “I’m fine,” he tells Sam, Nurse Eunjung and the phalanx of doctors assigned to make sure Captain America didn’t bleed out and die and get bad PR all over their nice clean hospital. “I have an advanced healing factor. It’s fine. See? I’m standing.”

“That is not standing,” Sam tells him.

“You’re bending the IV stand,” Nurse Eunjung adds pointedly. “Let go and sit down, they don’t grow on trees.”


aka Steve and Bucky's Global Honeymoon Revenge World Tour.

But it's only 12 of 16 chapters done!!

And I didn't realize that until 1:30 am last night, as I'm rounding the corner on their adventures and the boys are getting a little bit lighter and less covered in grim and grime, and there are some truly funny and amazing bits in this and it has all my favorite loves for these two -- Steve getting to have faith in his Bucky, Bucky getting to be a badass but also getting to be fucking wounded and figuring his own way out, Natasha being the one who actually calls everybody for being ridiculous, even herself, and I just....

I don't want it to END per se, but somewhere they're still out there in the back of my brain moving forward in ways that my rational brain knows the fic hasn't moved forward yet. But the irrational gut feeling of me knows that I'm standing still not reading and is worried they'll be going places I can't catch up to.

Thank god for subscriptions.

Went and saw Snow White & the Huntsman with a girlfriend of mine earlier this week, and while I'm glad I saw it because I wanted to satisfy my curiosity, especially with the way they ostensibly played with the story, there were problems.

I'm curious about the spate of fairy tale adaptations that have been in the air lately - Grimm (a show I tried to watch but basically got bored with *sorry those who love it*), and Once (upon a time) that I go back and forth on liking (though I was SUPER happy with the season ender), and even Mirror, Mirror.

And then we get the super slick, totally takes itself seriously, with big stars and lots and lots of cgi, 'this-will-be-so-epic' SW&tH... and ... I'm just glad I didn't pay for it myself.

( there were things I was frustrated with [spoilers inside!] )

ok, so apparently I had a lot to say. lolz.

And today I spent the day making pizza (of which I will possbily post photos later). It finally came out AWESOME. see Trader Joe's has pizza dough, and I've used it to make calzones, but the pizzas I made didn't really come out well. I went and read a bit about it online, let my dough warm longer, pre-cooked my dough, and came out with two pizzas that were much much tastier and more beautiful than i expected. It took me a while to get all the ingredients sorted, but mmmmm. (though perhaps only I would like these pizzas, as they are tomato-pesto based sauce, mozzarella, spinach, basil, cherry tomatoes, prosciutto, little cheddar cheese, and corn. yes, corn. it tastes awesome.)

First, Delicious. YOU SUCK.

Second, after almost successfully avoiding being annoyed by co-student in Japan even though we were both there at the same program (I had lunch with her a couple of times and that was it) she has gone back to annoying the hell out of me - and we only have one class together!  ( this time, i got to bug her back )

So here, have some recs of awesome fic, because that will always make days better.

Still and Steady by helens78
XMen: First Class | Erik/Charles | NC17 | 2,872 words
Charles could tie Erik up, could pin him down, but all he really needs is his mind.
Oh my gods hot. I've been reading her Hellfire Series (which is AWESOME but still WIP, but go read if you are ok with WIPs). This little sexy one-shot is my favorite kind of telepathy-sex though :)

The Pizza-Verse (Pizza and a Movie, The Secret Life of Lawyers, A Series of Covert Disasters) by Closer
Suits | Mike/Harvey | NC17 | AU | 65,600 words
In an alternate universe, Harvey's still the best closer in New York but Mike's not a runner for Trevor: he's a pizza deliveryman, Harvey's favorite pizza deliveryman. And Harvey's discovery that Mike's more than he lets on will change everyone's lives...
Love this verse SO much! Don't ask me why the shift in dynamics works, just let me tell you that it totally does. I think I've actually read this twice already.

Shatter by Aria
Thor | Thor/Loki | NC17 | AU | 32,000 words
"Loki," Odin says, heavy with disappointment and regret for all he has to raise his voice, "Odinson. I cast you out."
Oh my gods so worth it. I love how Loki is like fandom's darling misunderstood boy, but also how some writers actually keep him unable to apologize and smart and calculating and still with that broken bleeding heart. So, um, AU for if Odin sent Loki down instead of Thor (in case that wasn't obvious).

warning, political rant. i'm a lefty. lefty of lefty, ok?

While manning the County Democrat booth at the Italian Picnic and Parade (yes, really) I managed to get into an argument with someone who called himself a democrat (though honestly? he was what one can only call a conservative democrat, and maybe even not that).  He was trying to argue that we could pay for all of the cuts in education if we just took all the criminals who had murdered someone out and shot them (thus not doing expensive death penalty trials for them and not paying for convicted murderers to be housed in prison). 

( Look, if it wasn't obvious, I'm more rabidly liberal than most democrats. )

let's see, other than that, summer_of_giles summer_of_giles summer_of_giles!!!!!!

and also, claims posts at kradambigbang went up and I got fic I'm super excited to work on! Hopefully the author is ok with the stuff I do....

And tomorrow there will be exciting float making. Then Sunday will be ... PARADE! OMG small town fun is amusing.

Grumble grumble grumble grr grr grrr

Ok, so I forgot to take my Chinese herb zen pill today, and I don't know if it's that or lack of sleep or whatever but I am finding all kinds of things to grr at today.

First, I went ahead and upgraded to firefox 4.0 on the rec of gray_ghost and lost all of the extensions that I find actually useful on firefox (which, admittedly, is only two, because I don't actually use firefox much anymore) AND it turns out firefox is pretty much imitating chrome but doesn't look as pretty. NOT what I consider an upgrade. I will uninstall and reinstall the older version when I get done snarling.

That also means, though, that I don't get to use the lj update client I actually like to use to update. GRR.

Second (or third, take your pick) ( is that I actually did bite the head off of co-student today because her repressive silence in class did bug me )

/ rant. So yeah, didn't say all that out loud. And I had been more charitable about this stuff in earlier weeks, but I snapped today.

by the way, did I mention that I'd finished for the semester?  Well I have!  *does dance of manic and exhausted joy*

I think I'll save the emotional and mental recap for another moment, or a different post, and just say for now that this has been, without a doubt, another end of the semester that seemed designed to run me through the emotional and mental ringer.  Never a dull moment, I tell you. 

That being said, I'm still having trouble standing looking at the computer screen - after having done it for so long that my eyes began to have flickers in the corner (and yes, i know that's not good, but it went away), i just have needed time away.

It's also been a marathon of another sort because Tuesday, after we did class presentations, we went and had dinner with each other for my comp lit class.  Which involved salty shared plates of food and wine and shouted conversation.  And then last night, i went and had a post-class-'i'm finished-let's-watch-a-movie-and-decompress-by-talking' hang out with friends from class, and then tonight had dinner with a couple of ladies that involved much more wine than planned but was welcome nonetheless.

But, as far as my social calendar, which has mostly involved dates with my computer with minor breaks including dog walks, it's like 0 to 60 as far as social interaction goes.  I'm still waiting for a day of decompression where I don't talk, don't think, and instead make pretty graphics that don't talk back to me.

I've been sort of following the author-anti-fanfiction-blah (only because dwg and seperis are both such fantastic posters and I am like addicted to both of them for their posts and their ability to retain their senses of humor) and each post makes me more annoyed - partially because these anti-fanfic authors simply don't GET what it is that fanfic writers are doing - which is really a deep engagement of LOVE for the work that they're fanficing.  What higher compliment can you get than that?  Oh, right, money.  I am so tired of money being the baseline measurement of success (like can you publish as an original author? can you make money doing what you do?  ok, then THAT is ok.  but if you don't make money?  if that doesn't even enter into it?  if you have no ambitions about publishing something but want to enjoy yourself? Outside of the monetary economy where an author writes words and you buy them?  OH THE HORROR!!  /rant. 

Sorry, get a couple of glasses in me and I am more than annoyed.  I almost want to find a list of all the authors who won't allow fanfic and start writing fanfic in their verses just to spite them all, but I am neither enough of a writer to do that or perverse enough to kick my own ass that bad.  But the temptation is there people, it is there.  Instead I'm going to try to catch up on all the events of your lives AND all the fic I missed while I was writing, play at summer_of_giles  (there's still time!!  and we're going to extend the deadline anyway, so SIGN UP IF YOU LOVE YOUR GILES!), and try to restrain myself from ranting at odd moments. Keep your fingers crossed.

Sometimes, when your best beloved first fandom shows up and showers you with gifts, you spend a day feeling like it's chrismas in february. 

It's Christmas in February people!!!  Know why?  Because maleslashminis is back in business and an absolute metric-ton of AWESOME was dropped on the interwebs today.  I have read every single story posted for this round, and there is not a single non-awesome fic in the bunch.  By which I mean to say:  they are all amazing, and if you haven't read them yet why haven't you?  And if you have, and didn't leave a comment, please reconsider because one of the only way authors are encouraged to write more is if we give them encouragement, and pretty much that all comes from feedback.

And even if you can't do it for them, do it for me, because I'm telling you people, I have literally worn my computer screen down to a black and white flashing bulb by rereading their old stuff so many times.  If they were paper, they would have been crumpled into bits, and I MISS new Giles/Xander and new Xander/Riley and new Xander/Spike and new Xander/Ben (yes, you read that right and it was awesome too, go read it), and new Xander/Wes and new Xander/Simon and hell, new Buffy slash fic all together, especially when it comes from the keyboards of these people!

( And, you know, just a small rant over here that can be ignored.� But I'm gonna come out and say it above the cut - SU Herald is helping our fandom die )

ETA: I am going to do my best to respond to all comments, but I have a 10 hour day ahead of me that will end sometime around 8 pm PST, and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to respond during most of that time -- doesn't mean I'm not happy to hear back, just that I'm not going to be speedy. PLEASE BE CIVIL to each other, though! I'm so glad to have discussion, but hope everyone will respect everyone else?

ETA2: So, in a move I would have never expected, this post is now linked by others beyond our fandom. HI. I would like to note that this is one of the most incoherent and inflammatory rants I've ever written, around a very specific issue in a very specific fandom. While it may not be apparent (mostly from the confusion of my prose), my actual 'point' (if you'll grant me that stretch) was that the 'selective' mode for the Btvs/Ats fandom community su_herald did not seem consistent. Sadly, what I ended up doing was unintentionally recreating the slash/het binary, and sort-of intentionally raising a question about the difference between newsletters and recs communities, while noting that although the Herald's policies are more like a recs community, to the larger community they do represent a newsletter. At this point the productive discussion seems to be going on here in angeria's journal as to how to possibly change this.

It was just last week and I kept meaning to post something then, and now it's already the next week and here I am on Saturday again thinking .... oh, i'll just post later.

This is not conductive to actually filling a livejournal with content.

So here, a couple of the highlights of the last two weeks:

( you thought I was a new media kid? well no more computer for me )

( It was our friend Maija's birthday on Sat )

( apparently the federal government doesn't like people like me )

( I just read 200 pages of Chinese Art History and I'm not any more enlightened than when i started )

( However, tonight is another birthday celebration )

Happy Saturday night lovely ones.  I hope everyone else is having a beautiful weekend of some sort or another!

things I've read (all suggested by replicant_rasa) :

( The Lies of Locke Lamora )

( Blood Price, Blood Trail, Blood Debt, Blood Lines )

things I've seen (movie wize, that is)

( The Day the Earth Stood Still )

( Le Cirque: A Table in Heaven )

OH, and the biggest news is that ALL of my applications for grad school are DONE!  I got a call from one of the admissions offices this morning saying they hadn't gotten my printed copy of my writing sample.  The upshot of the conversation was that I needed to overnight it to them, and so I finished up the last two statments of purposes and into the mail all three went! 

One thing that's really annoyed me about this whole process is the amount of paper I've had to send out.  If I submit a writing sample online, I should not then have to resubmit it in hard copy.  And it's doubly annoying that some programs have a "Graduate School" that you apply to, but then that place doesn't seem to share information with the *acutal* program (thus I have to send copies to the program as well).  Why on earth have an online application if you're going to make me mail it in too?  How is that saving anyone time and money since they've got to store the hard copies and the virtual copies somewhere right?

Now that I've got all that out, I'm proceeding with the rest of my friday night quite pleasantly.  Happy evening to you all!

based off of secondalto 's post here...

The NY Times article Abortion Proposal Sets Condition on Aid:

The Bush administration wants to require all recipients of aid under federal health programs to certify that they will not refuse to hire nurses and other providers who object to abortion and even certain types of birth control.

more importantly:

The proposal defines abortion as follows: “any of the various procedures — including the prescription, dispensing and administration of any drug or the performance of any procedure or any other action — that results in the termination of the life of a human being in utero between conception and natural birth, whether before or after implantation.”  [ emphasis mine ]

and finally,

“The proposed definition of abortion is so broad that it would cover many types of birth control, including oral contraceptives and emergency contraception.” [ emphasis mine ]

Feministing, as usual, has their own unique take on things, and even lovelier graphics, but I also believe they have a point - there seems to be some idea that if it offends somebody those who are offended have to be protected, which isn't quite how I think anit-discrimination laws work.

The full text of the draft memo that's sparked the whole debate [ in PDF form ]

A link to the Department of Health and Human Services' comment form (where you can express your displeasure.)

A link to the Planned Parenthood campaign form to "Stop President Bush's massive sellout of women's healthcare".

And, in my reading on this, I've found this site that has stories of people working in abortion clinics and the anti-choice women they gave abortions to (which makes for really interesting reading).  One of the many stories:

"I've had several cases over the years in which the anti-abortion patient had rationalized in one way or another that her case was the only exception, but the one that really made an impression was the college senior who was the president of her campus Right-to-Life organization, meaning that she had worked very hard in that organization for several years. As I was completing her procedure, I asked what she planned to do about her high office in the RTL organization. Her response was a wide-eyed, 'You're not going to tell them, are you!?' When assured that I was not, she breathed a sigh of relief, explaining how important that position was to her and how she wouldn't want this to interfere with it." (Physician, Texas)

And finally, an absolutely amazing rant by naamah_darling .  She is not at all fair minded, but she's passionate, and tired of all the shit (and by shit I mean the government attitude and the common discourse about women's rights to their own bodies), and I respect that, deeply.

Although this is still in the draft stage, and I completely understand that, I'm saddened, disheartened, and frankly terrified that this kind of thing could even get to the draft stage.