Spending too much time on this
Sep. 21st, 2011 11:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
katekatThe toughest part about dating again thing is that I can't figure out if I'm attracted to this guy or not. Which probably means I'm not, right? But then I think to myself that it's been a long while since I've looked at people and tried to figure out if I was attracted to them. I mean, a long while, since I've been in that place where attraction could actually *go* anywhere in a very very long time.
Well, ok, no, that's not true. I find people attractive all the time. Like the hot guy in my lecture this afternoon - if he'd wanted to make out for a while, I'd totally be ok with that. And I've always had crushes on people in my classes, in a sort of 'oh, aren't they pretty?' kind of way. I'd get all shy talking to them, boys or girls, but I wouldn't flirt with them or anything, I'd just be me because I had relationship!identity to fall back on. But I definitely had types, and find people attractive. In a sexy way. But now I ask myself -- am I sure of my attraction to hot unattainable guy because I know he's unattainable, thus safe?
Because I'm currently (this moment) not attracted to guy I went on a date with. And the way I'm feeling now, I'm not sure I was even during the date. I think I was happy with the attention. It was a relief to go out and meet a guy and have him be excited by me. I haven't had that happen in a long time - the ex certainly was past that point. It was cool again to get to flirt and have it be returned. The possibility of *possibility* was exciting.
Note - I'm not looking for a love connection here. I'm not even really looking for someone who I go to with my problems. I'm looking for someone to date, and possibly have sex with. They have to be able to speak in mostly complete sentences and display some reading skills just because I have to, you know, talk to them before and after, but this is not my search for the great romance of the century. This is my opportunity to put all that stuff I've learned from fanfic about blowjobs into practice with human males.
So do I need to be attracted to him in the same way I'm attracted to random hot unattainable guy (or other people I've been attracted to over the years)? Or is it the 'any pizza is good pizza' motto I should run with here?
He's texted me a lot this week. like annoying amounts. one friend says that's because he's really into me (which yes, good thing! yay!) another friend notes that, while that means he's into me, i don't have to be into him.
i'll be honest, the texting thing? bugged the crap out of me. kept interrupting me.
i think it might just be a cultural thing - he has a smart phone, he is trying to be witty and flirty, i keep responding back. but sunday, when i was trying to get work done? text. text. text. text. text. i stopped responding. then hours later... text. i told him firmly that i had to work. he texts me at midnight to see if i've gone to bed. i told him 'lets check in later in the week to see about friday' and he texts me TODAY at 4:30 pm to say he's good for friday. since he got my phone number he's sent me 65 texts. this is not to say i haven't been responding, i have, but in total i have sent him 40. And most of mine are responses.
Now i'm dithering about second date. my friends in relationships are encouraging me to go on a second date (the "hey, he's really into you" rationale that somehow feels a little bit like a bird in the hand rationale - like 'this one is clean and healthy, and you might not get another one like him' kind of feeling). my friends who are not in relationships are wondering along with me if its worth it (the "hey, my time is valuable, and so is his for that matter, and if i'm already bugged, get it over with now" rationale).
anybody else want to weigh in?
Well, ok, no, that's not true. I find people attractive all the time. Like the hot guy in my lecture this afternoon - if he'd wanted to make out for a while, I'd totally be ok with that. And I've always had crushes on people in my classes, in a sort of 'oh, aren't they pretty?' kind of way. I'd get all shy talking to them, boys or girls, but I wouldn't flirt with them or anything, I'd just be me because I had relationship!identity to fall back on. But I definitely had types, and find people attractive. In a sexy way. But now I ask myself -- am I sure of my attraction to hot unattainable guy because I know he's unattainable, thus safe?
Because I'm currently (this moment) not attracted to guy I went on a date with. And the way I'm feeling now, I'm not sure I was even during the date. I think I was happy with the attention. It was a relief to go out and meet a guy and have him be excited by me. I haven't had that happen in a long time - the ex certainly was past that point. It was cool again to get to flirt and have it be returned. The possibility of *possibility* was exciting.
Note - I'm not looking for a love connection here. I'm not even really looking for someone who I go to with my problems. I'm looking for someone to date, and possibly have sex with. They have to be able to speak in mostly complete sentences and display some reading skills just because I have to, you know, talk to them before and after, but this is not my search for the great romance of the century. This is my opportunity to put all that stuff I've learned from fanfic about blowjobs into practice with human males.
So do I need to be attracted to him in the same way I'm attracted to random hot unattainable guy (or other people I've been attracted to over the years)? Or is it the 'any pizza is good pizza' motto I should run with here?
He's texted me a lot this week. like annoying amounts. one friend says that's because he's really into me (which yes, good thing! yay!) another friend notes that, while that means he's into me, i don't have to be into him.
i'll be honest, the texting thing? bugged the crap out of me. kept interrupting me.
i think it might just be a cultural thing - he has a smart phone, he is trying to be witty and flirty, i keep responding back. but sunday, when i was trying to get work done? text. text. text. text. text. i stopped responding. then hours later... text. i told him firmly that i had to work. he texts me at midnight to see if i've gone to bed. i told him 'lets check in later in the week to see about friday' and he texts me TODAY at 4:30 pm to say he's good for friday. since he got my phone number he's sent me 65 texts. this is not to say i haven't been responding, i have, but in total i have sent him 40. And most of mine are responses.
Now i'm dithering about second date. my friends in relationships are encouraging me to go on a second date (the "hey, he's really into you" rationale that somehow feels a little bit like a bird in the hand rationale - like 'this one is clean and healthy, and you might not get another one like him' kind of feeling). my friends who are not in relationships are wondering along with me if its worth it (the "hey, my time is valuable, and so is his for that matter, and if i'm already bugged, get it over with now" rationale).
anybody else want to weigh in?
no subject
Date: 2011-09-22 12:49 pm (UTC)thought A) some people are texters - i went through thousands of texts with one person and almost that many with another...but it wasn't bugging them, per se.
thought B) if it's going to turn you off, that's not a good sign. why should you try to get closer to someone who's already annoying you?
thought C) how would you *want* him to show he's into you? is it a case of "this hasn't happened before so it's weirding me out?"
thought D) he might be way more into you than you are into him, and that can get uncomfortable really quick.
i'm sure that doesn't help much. when i got out of a long term relationship, i went on a date with this guy who was funny and smart and seemed perfect for me - and called me WAY too much. wanted to be on the phone all the time. i wasn't all that into him in spite of the fact he seemed great; i wasn't looking for serious, and he started sounding way too serious. after one date and a hojillion phone calls, i told him thanks but i was just not in a place to be what he wanted.
a lot of people are really looking for "The One," and if you say "i just want to be friends, let's cool it," that's their signal to move on...so if you do give that hint, it probably won't be a continuing friendship. he's likely to drift away. but if he's bugging you...small loss. there are lots of people out there that won't.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-22 11:01 pm (UTC)i sound so cold, but whatev. it's a hardknock life for us single people. p