bookish dreamer

but... the story goes on without me!

2017-06-22T03:51:43Z

As far back as I can remember, I've believed somewhere in the back of my head, at a gut level of knowing-ness, that the stories in books go on without me. If I put a book down in the middle, it means the story might go somewhere else that I can't see and won't know. I know this isn't a logical attitude, but it's what my brain thinks.

This has led me to sneaking books under the covers, into classrooms in middle-school, and under my desk at high school. Lead to me sitting up all night when I had to be at work at 8 am the next morning just to *find out.* Hilariously I used to get reprimanded for reading too much. Even as an adult. Of course I was often reading the wrong thing since it was mostly sci fi or fantasy books with lurid covers and crazy stories. But even with other types of literature I've always had trouble putting the damn book down.

Which is why I have trouble with WIPs, I think. I mean, I think in some fashion everyone wishes the story were complete, but I think there are a lot of people who really enjoy the getting there and don't mind if there isn't an end in sight.

Me, it's not the end I mind. I LOVE the getting there. It's that a WIP is like a book I'm being *made* to put down. And not being allowed to pick it back up (because there's nothing *to* pick up).

There are only a couple of writers I'll read WIPs from, and it's only because either I love them so much that I don't care, or that the world is so big it's ok, I wouldn't be able to take it all in anyway. For example:

seperis has been writing the epic, world-eating SPN AU fic Down to Agincourt (Dean/Castiel, eventually NC17, currently at 1,077,012 words and STILL unfinished) and I love that. An enormous take on one of the AUs that the show itself spawned, she asks what would have happened if Dean had gotten stuck at the end of the world? It's so fucking dense, textured, ridiculously complex, and yet I *want to know* what happens. But it's also so sprawling that it's ok that Dean and Cas are sitting around at the end of the world waiting to figure out how in the hell they're going to get screwed over AND screw Lucifer's endgame all at the same time. I mean she brought in Goddesses on this stuff. There's whole subplots that make me want to do research as a reader. I have hope that eventually it'll play out, and I'm fine with them living in the back of my head. Though I still tend to try and read not chapter-by-chapter when she publishes, but entire story-by-story so at least an arc is complete.

the ONLY fic that I've ever been pretty into as a WIP isn't so much a WIP as there are short, self-contained fics that are added to a collection periodically that expand the universe just a little bit more.

feather (or lalaietha) wrote this pretty long MCU Steve/Bucky recovery fic your blue eyed boys (Steve/Bucky, M, 123,233 words), which is amazing and lovely. It's all about Steve really trying to figure out what *will* help a Bucky who shows up on his doorstep but is relearning how to ask for things, want things, remember things, consider himself human. But then.

Then she started writing shorts in the 'verse.

(even if i could) make a deal with god (Steve/Bucky, Natasha/Clint, Bruce/Betsy, Pepper/Tony,) that has at last count 121 short fics in it. And short sometimes is 1,000 words, but sometimes is like 20,000. Word count on these "shorts" totals 478,092. Also though it's got some of the most amazing OCs ever, like, ever. When she puts a new segment out in this 'verse it's nonlinear, she jumps around, even though the timeline is incredibly well thought out and everything does fit together if you went and decided to read it right now. It also works though because Bucky's recovery is non-linear, and the form fits the emotional tone of his and Steve's life. Some of the fics make me cry. Some make me sigh. Some make me cheer. There's a young girl Mercedes who you will want to make friends with. Actually the best part of this series is that it's populated with incredible women - a vet named Chloe, her girlfriend Paula, even Betsy Ross is clearly Feather's Betsy Ross. Oh and there's a whole other sub-collection for the Natasha-focused stories [to see you there] (mostly Natasha but also Natasha/Clint, and it's another 133,179 words!)

But these two are pretty much it.

Until last night. When I made the mistake of following links from BetteNoire's Lucky Seven (Steve/Bucky power-AU, very NC17, 94,264 words) where Bucky is ex-russian mafia and fixes/races bikes and Steve is a very tired superhero to this:

(silentwalrus, Steve/Bucky, PG13 for violence at this point, 109,211 words)

Steve gets out of the hospital in two days, but just barely. “I’m fine,” he tells Sam, Nurse Eunjung and the phalanx of doctors assigned to make sure Captain America didn’t bleed out and die and get bad PR all over their nice clean hospital. “I have an advanced healing factor. It’s fine. See? I’m standing.”

“That is not standing,” Sam tells him.

“You’re bending the IV stand,” Nurse Eunjung adds pointedly. “Let go and sit down, they don’t grow on trees.”

aka Steve and Bucky's Global Honeymoon Revenge World Tour.

But it's only 12 of 16 chapters done!!

And I didn't realize that until 1:30 am last night, as I'm rounding the corner on their adventures and the boys are getting a little bit lighter and less covered in grim and grime, and there are some truly funny and amazing bits in this and it has all my favorite loves for these two -- Steve getting to have faith in his Bucky, Bucky getting to be a badass but also getting to be fucking wounded and figuring his own way out, Natasha being the one who actually calls everybody for being ridiculous, even herself, and I just....

I don't want it to END per se, but somewhere they're still out there in the back of my brain moving forward in ways that my rational brain knows the fic hasn't moved forward yet. But the irrational gut feeling of me knows that I'm standing still not reading and is worried they'll be going places I can't catch up to.

Thank god for subscriptions.

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SQUEEE!!

2011-11-18T03:17:55Z

In approximately 6 days I GET AN EB!! (that's elizabuffy for those of you in the know) and phendog!!!! and a MOMMIE!

In other words, I'm having a turkey day celebration at my place and it is going to be awesome!!

any turkey day recipes you feel as if you want to share?? i'm taking all the secrets! especially for pumpkin, apple, or pecan pie alternatives?

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did you know?

2011-05-22T05:25:17Z

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It's Official!

2011-04-18T18:01:57Z

A weekend late, but still, happening! Please pimp to all your friends if you are so inclined!!

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happiness might possibly be home made silver dollar pancakes

2011-02-13T19:41:52Z

After making pancakes for 15 odd years with varying degrees of success I found myself this morning with the perfect plate of silver-dollar pancakes (see above). They may look a little large in the picture but they're approx 3 inches in diameter and freakishly they came out perfect. I am a pleased Kate.

My plan today is pancakes, Maeda Ai (one of the foremost philosophers/literary scholars/interrogators of the modern periphery in modern Japan) reading, and possibly the buying of a vacuum cleaner belt if there are any stores open Sunday.

It was a fairly hellish week last week - rescheduling a make up class meant that I had two sets of reading to do for the class that is trying to create records in how much we read a week - and by the end of it I wanted to club the woman who is taking all the same classes as me over the head with my computer. I'm going to have to come up with a name for her, I think, so I can vent properly.... possibly co-student? The sad part is that she's making me happy to have my nemesis in one of our classes because he's an annoyance in an entirely *different* kind of way. It's freakish when that's more welcome!

( you see, the thing about co-student is... )

Other than that life is pretty good - still tired, and have applications to work on and a paper to edit on the to do list too. And possibly a friend coming to spend the night tomorrow night.

And this was supposed to just be a quick entry about pancakes. *shaking my own head at myself*

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Many, many, many pictures of wolves!

2011-01-19T23:27:19Z

In honor of the exciting Lupercalia celebration planned for the future at the just being created today kradamcakes, I give you a wolf picspam.

And by picspam I mean, well, PICSPAM. There are more images here than I've dealt with in a long time, and a link at the bottom to the photobucket that contains more. If you like wolves you will like these photos. And if you like the idea of Kradam & Wolves (and in the future, Kradam & mermaids, and possibly other cracked out things), keep your eye on kradamcakes (though probably not quite, you know, today).

Almost all images are pretty large (min 800x400, but lots 1280x1024) so right click and view in new window/save as to your heart's content!

( A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. Lana Turner )

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Christmas Holiday: a bit of a story with pics

2010-12-30T17:58:27Z

Once upon a time a girl went up to N. Cal to visit her family - there were lots of hugs and a bunch of time spent hanging out with her nephews and parents and even an eclipse! And then she and her mom took a driving adventure back to her house, filled it with lots of wonderful things to make it a warm home, made bunches of good food, and went on adventures. And then, sadly, she had to put her mom back on a train to go home. But in the end, it was kind of a magical Christmas.

( And look, there were pictures! )

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is the bed moving or is that just residual?

2010-11-29T06:55:29Z

What should have been a six hour car ride turned into a 9 hour car ride. My body still thinks that I'm hurtling through the world in that steel contraption. If someone told me right now that I had to get back in it, I would probably beat them in the face with a wet fish, screaming "no!" at the top of my lungs.

Unsurprisingly, that means no long post for me. I wish I could write paragraphs extolling the joys of my turkey day visit with my families. In the interest of time and my still slightly trembling arms, I give you instead the bullet points of paragraphs I would be composing:

home made (from scratch) pumpkin biscuits, pear-jicama-pomegranate salad, succulent turkey breast, brussel sprouts, orange-cinnamon-cranberry sauce
Pumpkin Soup cooked in the pumpkin (with goat cheese and cream)
dog walking in freezing cold weather and the tree that lost it's leaves overnight
fuzzy sheets!
MOM!!
little girls having tea parties
Dog & Mom: fabulous.
Dog & Dad/Nephews/Sisters: amazingly, surprisingly good.
Saturday rain dog walking; dog deprivation; dog obsession; dog aggression
rewriting mental images
finally that random talk i was looking for
pumpkin chunkin
family history and women's suffrage
my nephew(s)' drug use ... one lack, one obviously not
smoking, the doing of, the discussion of, the companionship, the cheerful 'you know you'll die don't you, we just want to tell you an awful story' ribbing
grandma, death, dying (but not dead yet)
prosciutto wrapped dates stuffed with pecans and parmesian - harder to make than you think - salami stuffed with cream cheese, prosciutto feta basil pinwheels
my expanding waist line
new shoes, printer, wet jet, chinese stool, and sheets!

Oh my god even the bullets are too long! well, maybe that gives you an idea? Glad to be home, but it was a great trip, not long enough at all (well, the drive home was too long, but the rest went by too quick)

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Words of probable truth

2010-10-20T04:15:26Z

My horoscope for this week:

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the weeks ahead, Libra, you're going to be
tested on your follow-through. People will want you to work harder on
what has previously come fairly easily. You will be pressured to make
good on your promises; you'll be asked to refine the details that are
central to the success of the good new ideas that are floating around. As
much as you might be tempted to slip away and fly off in pursuit of
things that are more fun, I encourage you to stick with the program. You
can't imagine how important it is for you to learn how to be a more
committed builder.

Couldn't be more germane if it tried!!

Ok, so first off, the conference went GREAT!! But oh my god my brain hurt from the information overload! You try sitting in on 4 panels a day, 4 people each panel, each presentation going for at least 20 minutes, sometimes on things you know a little about but sometimes not, mostly read in slightly monotone voices .... it was painful in all the best ways!

( The Good, the YAY, and the OOOOO )

( So, if all that was so great, why the horoscope... )

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Greetings from the ?wilds? of Yale!

2010-10-15T12:32:50Z

I made it alive!! Got into Hartford last night at 11 pm and had to drive from there to New Haven because I bolluxed up my plane ticket (i knew i'd screwed it up, and that's what rental cars are for). Not only was it in the dead of the night, it was raining! Perfect way to introduce myself to east coast driving, right? And the car rental lady thought she was doing me a favor by giving me an SUV type thing too. I'm laughing about it this morning, and even last night I think I must've had a bit of a maniac grin clutching the steering wheel hoping no more big trucks would pass me. Hey, the slow lane and me? Got very well acquainted.

Did you know they don't put helpful little reflectors in the road for you out here? They don't. It was disconcerting.

Luckily I pulled up safe and sound to my girlfriend's girlfriend's apartment, on a tree filled street, got walked in and bedded down and other than being slightly cold slept straight on through this morning. I assume tomorrow, when I have to actually be awake for my own presentation first thing, is going to be when I'm most tired.

It's absolutely beautiful here - crisp and cool, and I'm wearing my winter jacket (that most people here would probably consider a fall jacket since they're used to snow - thank all the gods it's not snowing). Not that I'm wearing it right now since I'm sitting in a free-trade coffee shop drinking a mocha worthy of the name (not too sweet, actual foam) waiting for registration to open for my conference.

I'm on pins and needles about presenting tomorrow - I have the paper done, but it could use some more editing. I have so clearly in my head what I want to say about each piece, but definitely my power point will be getting some major revisions today so that it adequately reflects that.

I want to take pictures, too, so I'll have to do that at some point and really be touristy - perhaps Sunday when I can take a deep breath?

I felt last night, as the road stretched in front of me, covered in water, that if I'd been with Neil when this was happening he would have been concerned for me -- funny that, because it's not exactly the feeling of missing him so much as missing having someone out there who i call to check in with who tells me to be careful. So I called my mom when I got in which I think worked out pretty well for her and me. And I smiled at myself a little, because as much as it was a strange adventure in the dark of night, it was also just driving an hour in some rain.

I can't stop smiling this morning either, and I don't think it's just the sleep dep./jet lag/what have you. I think part of it is just that I'm here doing this thing called life.

It's kind of awesome. I'll probably post more if I get bored at the conference, but if not, wish me luck!

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