katekat: (Default)
[personal profile] katekat
I should have written a celebration post, and maybe I will in a bit, because I successfully defended my dissertation, graduated, and finished teaching all at the same time. And my evals weren't totally in the toilet.

But this post is about my housemate instead because it's 9:30 am and I need to put it all somewhere so that I don't hang onto it all day.

She got drunk last night and spent the evening venting. And as I was only paying half attention to her, probably because I was only paying half attention to her, as she got drunker she started picking on my friends. One of whom is a mutual friend. She asked me why I thought one friend was intelligent because she didn't see the intelligence herself. And in a ham handed way to try to "soften" that she tried to make it about the fact that I was far smarter than the person in question. Which, also was wretchedly dumb. She also tried to start a conversation about another woman where she made her out to be a crappy feminist because that person criticized Hillary's expensive wardrobe.

The rational side of me says that all of this is because she's deeply insecure in so many ways (she took an entry level job at 35 last month, is being trained by a 23 year old, doesn't have a wide group of friends, doesn't have enough money to move out of our apartment but doesn't actually want to live with anyone anymore...and she gave me notice that she was moving out last month and i freaked and went and got a new housemate, so she's moving whether she wants to or not...) and she was trying to provoke an emotional reaction in me because I wasn't paying enough attention to her last night, because i never pay enough attention to her. (and that's been part of my own self-defense/self-care - to only sort of half pay attention to her, which is pretty rude but is also the only way i can manage her constant provocations - this is not the first time something like this has happened).

I want to sit her down and say: "last night, when you decided to ask me "honest" questions about my friends, you put me on the defensive. I not only didn't feel comfortable with it, it made me feel attacked. If that happens again I'm going to let you know, and then I'm going to remove myself from the situation. Staying in the situation and trying to continue the conversation with you wasn't healthy for me."

maybe I will say that. or, since there is a part of me that hates conflict, and also feels that, with this person, she will blow what I say out of proportion in multiple unintended ways (which could manifest in her needling me about it constantly, which has happened, or could manifest in her utterly and totally stopping talking to me and hiding in her room, which has also happened), and so maybe I will wait it out until she moves out and not fucking have to deal with it. we'll see.

Date: 2016-06-27 12:51 am (UTC)
bluemeridian: Chloe from Smallville, with coffee and a sideways look. (Default)
From: [personal profile] bluemeridian
That actually sounds really toxic and I'm really glad to hear she's moving out because, wow, that's... not good. I hope it's sooner rather than later.

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